Tag Archives: Women

I Didn’t Know I Had the Power

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I didn’t know I had the power…until it was gone.

I never saw Clinton as a perfect choice. She has been in the public eye and under scrutiny for so many years, of course there were issues. I heard all the “lesser of two evils” talk, and understood.  I grew up in the age of Camelot; I want a hero.

Clinton didn’t quite fit that mold. Still, many of the flaws that were cited in her actions have been overlooked or down-played in male politicians for years. I felt she was held to a higher standard because of her gender, but she seemed up to that challenge.  I didn’t choose her because she was female, though I have long thought that women in high places would offer possibilities and solutions we haven’t even dreamed of.

Clinton was my candidate of choice, for many reasons. Some reached back to the Democratic household I grew up in. Others were firmly settled in this present day: issues of gun control, conservation of natural resources, respect for all people, no matter their religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation or gender. This election was important to me, as a woman in this world, and to the planet I want to keep safe.

As the election drew closer, there was a subtle shift in thinking. It became a point of pride that Clinton was not only the best candidate and my choice, but that she was female. I got almost giddy at the prospect. I felt stronger, as a woman, than I have since the 1970s: those heady, early years of the modern feminist movement. I was proud to vote for a woman, as my choice for President of the United States.

And then it was gone.

I am devastated.

Clearly, many voters saw and heard things from the other candidate that escaped me completely. I will, as we all should, jump on the bandwagon of unity, and support for the candidate of choice. The system has, crazily, worked.

I am not afraid…well I am a little afraid…for our country. Thank God for experts in every field to advise those in authority, and for our system of checks and balances. The United States will survive.

I am heartbroken to see that in the 21st century, in a place where women can vote, this country has chosen a misogynist buffoon over a woman. That not only strips me of the heady power I was feeling at the thought of a woman in our highest office, it makes me realize women as a whole are not doing as well in this world as I thought. And that scares the hell out of me.

Found!

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In early December, the title was “Lost!”

The subject was my red notebook.

I was planning to write about my friend, Emma Jean. She was one of many on a list of “60 most influential women in my life” that I had compiled at my sixtieth birthday. The list was in the notebook, along with other lists, poems, quotes and ideas.

The notebook was lost.

It seemed that everything hinged on information it contained.

Should I start reading just any book, when the notebook contained a list of books I want to read? How can I finish a letter without the quote I had planned to include? Could I write a blog without notes and ideas collected for inspiration?

I was stalled, for the loss of my red notebook.

Finally, I had to resign myself to the idea that I might never find it.

At last, I had to move on without it.

I managed. I bumbled forward. I got by without it.

But I never stopped noticing the loss.

Last week, getting ready to go away for a few days, I pulled my little suitcase out of the attic.

Inside, along with the little travel slippers I keep there, was my red notebook!

Contained within are all the things I knew were there, the bits of information that I’d felt the need for and sorely missed all these months.

Here, the notes on the diet plan I knew would change my life, the lists of books and websites and movies!

Surprises, too!

Here, a poem I had forgotten about…a quote that brought tears to my eyes…the notes for my sister Sheila’s eulogy, jotted down on a tearful drive nearly two years ago. Here, a bundle of old photographs tucked between the pages…a recipe for home-made sidewalk chalk…my menu for Christmas dinner, 2011.

It’s such a joy to find something that’s been missing, I have half a mind to start hiding things on myself!

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.”

~Helen Keller