Last evening, between her dinner and my own, I had a long telephone conversation with my friend, Linda. The talk was filled with my rantings about everything that seems to be going wrong in my life right now. I would have called my friend Chris, too, except that I lost her number. My sister Brenda is on vacation. So, Linda got the full dose: all of my complaints.
Today, I started the morning by grumbling to myself, and to the dogs if they would listen, while I started the coffee pot, stripped the bed and put the sheets in the washing machine. Next, I wrote out my troubles in a letter to another friend. Then, still on a roll, I capped it off with three pages of stream-of-consciousness longhand in my black and white composition book, designated for “Morning Pages.”
“Morning Pages” is a place to spill out – without a filter – anything that is on my mind. I use it for brainstorming, developing ideas for writing or art, complaining, expounding on grievances large and small, reminiscing, planning and writing affirmations. This morning, it was all whine.
So, there will be no complaining here today. Though this blank screen seems to be just waiting for me to pour my heart out about work problems, home troubles, health issues, financial worries…it’s not going to happen today. I am tired of it. I have been so absorbed in self-pity, however, I have little else to talk about.
I barely noticed the bright planet visible last night in the east sky, and I didn’t take the time to identify it. I hardly paid any attention to the full moon, though it cast a cool glow right across my bed at four o’clock this morning. The snow is melting in the back yard, so that bare winter ground is exposed far past the cherry tree, and through the flower bed. The side yard that includes the driveway is solid ice, almost impossible to walk on. If it weren’t for the dogs going in and out, I doubt I’d have even noticed.
It’s time to start paying attention, and that’s what I plan to do. No more whining!