It would be impossible for me to deny that I am not good with change. Too many negatives? Let me state clearly: I HATE CHANGE. I want things to remain predictable, comfortable and “as they always were.” It often makes life difficult, as things rarely cooperate.
This year, Livingstone Studio – the little gallery that has carried my art work during the summer season on Beaver Island for the last twenty years – is not opening. The owner, Sue – who I love – will not be there, ready to offer a chair in the shade, a chat, and an occasional glass of wine. The little, crooked-walled log cabin gallery spaces, jam-packed with all kinds of magical wonders…closed. I’ve been mourning for weeks!
This year, I’m showing my work in a new venue. Beaver Island Studio and Gallery has lots of natural light, broad expanses of white walls, and lots of details that help to break up the space and add architectural interest. Lois – who I also love – has gone out of her way to encourage me, listened to all my misgivings, and welcomed my work in her space.
I should be thrilled. It’s the “I hate change” part of me that is holding me back. I feel disloyal, as if I’m denying how important Livingstone Studio was to me. I truly considered just taking a break from showing my work altogether. Time to grieve, I thought. I had to kind of talk myself into moving on.
The new space has also made me somewhat self-conscious about my art. I feel like when I moved out of a cute – older but personality-filled – little lake cottage into a brand new townhouse. All of a sudden, all of my belongings – which I treasured – seemed drab and inadequate. I was afraid that – in the new pristine surroundings – my art would not hold up. I had to work up my courage to go see it.
Yesterday, I finally took a few minutes to walk through. It was a quiet day, so I was able to wander the gallery without interruption, alone with my thoughts. Lois was careful and thoughtful in her presentation, and everything showed well. There is a nice flow from one room to the next. I’m still getting used to the change, but feel like this may work out.