I was awakened this morning, early, with a nightmare. No monsters or killers – just another missed deadline, another failure, and another unfortunate conversation with my daughter where we each try to pin the blame on the other. It felt real, and it drove me out of bed at five AM with a racing pulse, angry, frustrated and sad.
Today is my sister’s birthday. Though she is no longer with us, I miss Nita, still, and that was playing around the corners of my mind, too.
I started coffee and sat down with my planner. On the right, a list of things I need to accomplish for my news-magazine, right away, to avoid that missed deadline of my nightmare. It is a long list. On the left, a column of other things I hoped to get to today. Right at the top, I wrote “write.” Today is blog day.
I missed writing last Sunday, on the mainland without my computer. My aunt was in the hospital (she still is!) with pneumonia. I went over to offer comfort and support, and (I admit!) to connect with three of my sisters who drove up to do the same. The island feels a little sad without her here, and I’m sure worry contributed to my gloomy mood this morning.
I missed writing on Thursday. With, once again, no new art to display, I couldn’t bring myself to bumble my way through yet another “Timeout for Art.” I am continually frustrated by not enough time for the studio.
Today, having already missed too many days this year, writing made the top of my list. But, I didn’t get to it first. Nor did I tackle any of the varied and necessary jobs in the right hand column. I certainly didn’t consider any of the housekeeping and gardening chores, either.
First, I checked the news. Then, I watched a “Ted Talk.” Having last week watched one by Matt Cutts titled “Try Something New for Thirty Days,” I am now trying to watch a “Ted Talk” every day…at least for thirty days. By that time, I was far enough removed from my to-do list that I could waste another block of time playing on-line Scrabble.
Lack of accomplishment never improves my mood. I finally forced myself up out of my chair, threw on sweats, and took the dogs for a walk. “Walk” was, in fact, the second item on my list. I was determined to walk off my funk, and come home with a better attitude.
As soon as I got outside, the gloom started to lift. It was a beautiful, balmy spring day! The crocus are blooming in my front yard. I could hear the prehistoric sounds of the Sandhill Cranes, returning to nest on the pond. We came upon one fallen tree with a design left by an ambitious woodpecker, and another covered with shelf fungus. A beautiful old rock pile marked the forgotten edge of an ancient field. Things were looking up! And, to top it off, if I were to happen to look up, well, that sky!