Daily Archives: September 19, 2016

Starting Today

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Starting today…isn’t that quite the way to begin?

Change is in the air…a new chapter is begun…new commitments are underway.

My old journals are full of re-starts. It begins with a rant, usually, of what is wrong in my life, or with me. The themes recur.

  • Not enough money.
  • Not moving fast enough toward my goals (“Will my entire life be one of mediocrity?” I write, in one particularly melodramatic discourse).
  • Letting too many things “get to me.” From the actions of my husband to the misbehavior of my children to various encounters in the workplace, letting things get to me has always been a big concern.
  • Not enough time. I have been complaining about that for fifty years! What did I do with all of that time?!
  • Bad habits to get rid of.
  • Good habits to cultivate.

Then, the promises begin.

“From now on…” I will exercise daily/eat right/floss regularly/go to bed at a decent hour/make better use of my time….

“Never again will I…” let myself be led into an argument (“when I am right to begin with and we both know it,” I offer, in one old entry)/ lose patience/put up with that behavior/exhibit that behavior/engage in that bad habit….

“Starting today…” I will be a better person. In one way or another, that has always been my goal. It still is.

I have always wanted to be excellent. It’s a good goal, though a bit discouraging. Looking back from this perspective, I see that in most cases, while aiming for excellence, I managed to be okay. Sometimes I’ve managed no more than mediocrity. Other times I’ve succeeded in being better than average. There are many areas of abject failure. Every great now and then, I’ve been really good.

My biggest accomplishment is not in what I’ve succeeded at, but in never giving up the effort. After all these years of limited success, I am still happy to begin any day with, “starting today…”

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