Taking Stock

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june2016 251

Two days off. It’s never enough to get everything done that I want to do.

The first day I’m always hopeful. I start out strong. Big plans. Ready to tackle everything. Sometimes I get a head start on Sunday. Sometimes I can hardly sleep on Sunday night, in anticipation of all that I plan to do.

Monday, I let myself sleep in, a little. It is my day off, after all. I linger over coffee. I make breakfast. I let other things distract me. Maybe I make a phone call or two. By noon, the panicky feeling is there, at how fast the day is rushing by, and how little I’ve accomplished. By eight o’clock, I’ve relaxed a bit. I have convinced myself that tomorrow is another day. Whatever isn’t finished, I’ll do on Tuesday. I might watch a movie, then, or take an evening walk.

Bedtime finds my mind racing once again, with all the things that need to be accomplished in the one day I have left. I set the alarm, and plan for an early start. I can’t fall asleep. I try to read. I get up, finally, thinking that if I work through the night, I can sleep late to make up for it. I’m not awake enough, though, to make much headway.

Tuesday, I’m dragging. No enthusiasm now, I’m just slogging through my tasks, in an effort to get them checked off the list. No time for getting creative; no time for relaxation. Just do it. By dinnertime, I’m bargaining with myself again. Maybe I won’t be too tired after work tomorrow, to finish this job, or that one. Maybe it will seem easier and go smoother than how it’s going now. By bedtime, I’ve taken stock of what is done and what is left to do.

I’ve never done enough.

When I’m at my day job, working at the hardware store, I give it all I’ve got…but when I leave, I’m done. I never think, “maybe I should work through the night to get that aisle in order.” Maybe I should punch a time clock at home, too. Then, at least, I could be finished, whether I was done or not.

 

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About cindyricksgers

I am an artist. I live on an island in northern Lake Michigan, USA. I have two grown daughters, four strong, smart and handsome grandsons and one beautiful, intelligent and charming granddaughter. I live with two spoiled dogs. I love walking in the woods around my home, reading, writing and playing in my studio.

2 responses »

  1. Oh my, are you sure we aren’t twins? I’m the same way when it comes to procrastination! It’s a curse, especially with so many things to be done and so much life to live.

    • Exactly! It’s my worst thing. This morning, faced with a day off and several articles to write, I am already feeling the tension, the fast-beating heart, the threat of a headache…that comes from the pressure of a deadline when something cannot be put off any longer. It keeps my life in chaos. I love finding things we have in common but sincerely hope this aspect doesn’t torment you the way it does in my life!

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