Review

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brenda and cindy 1952

It seems like it’s been a long time since I’ve written about an address. So long, it’s a bit difficult to get back into the spirit of it. I was on quite a roll for a while there, reliving old times and pulling up memories I hadn’t thought of in years. I took a break from it, while traveling, as I knew i wouldn’t have access to old photos, or time to spend sifting through the cobwebs in my mind to get the facts straight.

Now, trying to get back to it, I note resistance. These are hard years I am moving toward: troubled marriage; separation; divorce; teen-aged daughters and all the worry and angst that accompanied that phase in our lives; new relationships and their eventual failure, too. Until I finally end up here: poor, alone and over-worked. Ugh! You notice the attitude? That’s what I’m struggling with.

So, before I force myself over this hump and back to the dirty work at hand, let’s review.

  • First the Grandparent’s house, next door to my own house, and a big part of my early childhood.
  • Next, the house on Hunt Road, across from Lake Nepessing in Lapeer, Michigan, that my father built, where I lived until I got married.
  • The first, upstairs, Court Street apartment in Lapeer, Michigan.
  • The second, downstairs, Court Street apartment, in Lapeer, Michigan.
  • The Lake House, on Lake Pleasant, in Attica, Michigan.
  • Charbridge Arbor, in Lapeer, Michigan.
  • The farmhouse on Beaver Island.
  • The Stone House on Beaver Island.
  • Corner #16, in North Branch, Michigan

(Whew! That’s a lot of moving around!)

I left off there, in the back duplex apartment of what used to be the Deerfield Township Hall. We were not unhappy there. Still.

The bedrooms were very small. We started with the girls sharing one room and my husband and I sharing the other. We then (my design, Terry’s handiwork) built a bed frame with bookcases for headboard and footboard that would sit in the large living room. When the bolster, pillows and  upholstery cover for the mattress (all sewn by me) were put on the bed in the morning, it looked perfectly suitable as a large sofa. That gave the girls each their own small room. It seemed like a good idea, but it had short-comings. Eventually, we put the girls back in one room, and turned the other small bedroom into a dressing room.

There were still problems in our marriage. Terry was continuing to spend too many nights out drinking, which resulted in too many fights. I eventually read a book put out by Al-Alon, that caused me to re-think my reactions. The drinking wasn’t my problem (though it clearly affected me) but I was allowing it a central place in my life. I tried, instead, to not take it personally. I didn’t pretend to approve of the nights out, the drinking or the money spent, but I tried not to feel that it was a personal affront. I didn’t cause it.

It helped me, but my change in attitude made Terry feel threatened. He wondered what I had going on that I no longer obsessed about what he was doing. Always an issue, he became more and more suspicious, jealous and possessive. No amount of reassurance helped. Then, he worked harder and harder to get me to engage angrily in an argument with him, because that reassured him that I was still vested in the relationship. There were occasions when he followed me to class, and paced the halls outside the door. There were times he dropped the girls off at his parent’s house, so he could follow me to a study group, and sit outside in his truck. There were violent outbursts.

Terry’s mother had started working for a realty company. She and my father-in-law had purchased a house for an investment, and approached us about renting it. We had never been very successful in the past with paying his parents what we owed them, whether for rent, land contract or personal loans. I didn’t like putting ourselves in that position again. Terry liked the idea. He liked the house with a yard, with a more “normal” look and feel. If he was going to quit drinking, going to get his life in control, this change would help, he said. “I could do it there,” he said.

And so it was that, just as I was graduating from Mott Community College with an Associate of Arts degree, we were getting ready to move about three miles away, to Johnson Mill Road.

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6 responses »

  1. Oh man. I could tell you zillions of stories connected to alcoholism. Yay us for surviving those hard times and never losing sight of who we are. I can see where these posts might be difficult for you, but were it not for those times you wouldn’t be the awesome person you are today.

  2. you have a brave heart, going back and revisiting that time. I don’t know that I could do it. And yet I’ve told my children I would write down their father’s stories / memories now that he has Alzheimer’s.

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