and a Merry, Merry Christmas…

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I’m up early, early this Christmas morning.

I’ve baked  egg and spinach pie and have dough rising for dinner rolls, and it’s not yet 6AM.

As a child, Christmas Eve seemed unbearable to wait through, sleep was almost impossible, listening for sleigh bells and magic, and Christmas morning started early.

When my own children were small, it was the same. The anticipation of what Santa left under the tree always woke my daughters early. Never wanting to miss a moment of their excitement was what roused me, no matter how late the wrapping and arranging and last minute preparations had gone.

I grew up in a large family and – due to simply the number of children receiving gifts – the tree on Christmas morning was awesome to behold.

Later, celebrating Christmas morning with my small family, I’d have to talk myself down from near panic at the idea of “not enough”. It was impressed in my subconscious that a Christmas morning tree should be almost buried in packages…that presents should spill out from under the tree and take up significant space in the room. Many times Christmas Eve night was spent with me madly sewing or crocheting last minute gifts, just to make a more impressive show.

This year, with no reason in the world to be up before the sun, it was pleasant thoughts and memories that woke me.

It’s easy, over the holidays, to get in a funk over what has changed.

Being big on melancholy, I usually indulge.

There are the sweet childhood memories, and all of that innocent time long behind me.

There are precious memories with my own daughters, now grown and far away.

Grandchildren that I won’t see, this year on Christmas.

Friends and acquaintances that I’ve lost contact with over the years.

There are people, so close to my heart, no longer here.

It’s sometimes too easy to dwell on loss. Not today.

But the memories are precious; I don’t push them away.

They are a part of my own history, and good company this Christmas morning.

12 responses »

  1. Merry Christmas to you! I bet there isn’t a mother among us who thinks we have “enough” presents for everyone!
    This is a wierd day for me….first Christmas morning (in my entire life) that has me waking up with no one else in the house! My daugher will be here in an hour and I’m cooking dinner for her, her fiance and my mother and stepdad, so i’m not spending the day alone…it’s just the waking up that was odd!
    So like you, I started the food prep for today much earlier than necessary!
    Just wanted to check in to say “I hear you!”
    Have a wonderful day!

  2. I know it’s weird to think of being connected to people you barely know through the magic of cyberspace, but I’m not kidding when I tell you that you were one of my first thoughts this morning before I even turned on my computer. Why? I have no idea. I just thought, “I wonder what Cindy is doing on Beaver Island this Christmas day?”

    Have a peaceful Christmas day and know that many people, even virtual strangers, are thinking of you and wishing you well. HoHoHo! 🙂

    • Sara, thank you so much…for thinking of me, and for letting me know. I think starting a writing practice was one of the smartest things I’ve done, both for what is has done for me, and for the wonderful people it has brought into my life!
      I hope your holiday was wonderful, and that the new year brings continued happiness and prosperity.
      Thanks, again!

  3. I like being by myself. I used to be big on christmas when my two children were still home. But my daughter is too ill for company and my son was invited to his friend’s house. I don’t mind at all. It is a lazy day that is overcast, windy, and a very dull gray.

    Hope your day goes very well. The old photo is filled with memories for you, I am sure.

    • I hope you had a wonderful holiday, too. I have always been a loner…that has served me well. I’ve also always been one to dwell on things and get morose and sad…that, I have to keep in check. We learn what we need, by this stage in life, to get through, don’t you think? Best wishes!

      • Well- we have two things in common. Being a loner and dwelling on the past plus the future. I can get sad in a matter of minutes and get physically ill from being so depressed. But I can work my way out of it as you say. We have learned coping skills but sometimes those fail when family problems become almost too much.

        Blogging does help in some peculiar way. I guess it is the connection with others but not actually being connected. We don’t have to smile, talk- just type. *smile**

  4. Thank you for writing this Christmas post. I think a lot of people feel the same during the holidays. A bit melancholy and sad comparing current days with days of yore. It’s good that you didn’t try to push your thoughts away. Sometimes when we do that, they tend to fester in the unconscious. It’s a fine line to walk sometimes–to allow our thoughts to be and yet to gently look at the gifts of the Present.

    • Yes, Christmas has certainly changed from that golden, exciting and magical season I loved for so long. Now, the memories are often the best part, and I always smile with relief when I’m through it…but it’s not a sad day. It’s just a different day. Thanks for reading, Kathy, and for your comments>

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