Well, let’s see…after two days of high drama at work (none of which directly affected me, but anyone that works knows everyone is affected), I drove home Wednesday evening, took the dogs for an especially long and thoughtful walk, sat down at the computer and composed a letter, quitting my job. After considerable pacing and arguing with myself, I hit the “send” button.
I slept like a baby that night.
I had stood up for myself, and my friend. I had spoken my mind in a way I am often too timid to do, but not unkindly.
I woke Thursday morning with the world laid before me, pregnant with possibility.
A morning to linger over coffee and then take a long walk.
A day to give the house a thorough cleaning: I tell you, if my floors had eyebrows (which they probably could have fashioned from the dust that was accumulating), the eyebrows would have been raised in wonderment at the attention they were given that day. I actually removed the sofa cushions to vacuum underneath; under normal circumstances, that rarely happens twice in a season! I cleared the dining room table, which had been looking quite a bit like a work station, and gave it a bouquet of peonies to celebrate.
A day for getting work done outside: I spent actual hours digging and weeding in the garden, trimming around the stones and trees in the yard, picking strawberries and watering everything.
A day for getting caught up on things in the studio: I assembled frames and unwrapped plexiglass. I matted and mounted new work. I knocked down and cleared out a bunch of cardboard shipping boxes. I finished writing out a plan for Drawing Classes to be offered this summer.
A day to spend time with my dogs: I thawed a packet of sliced turkey and worked on some of the training methods I’ve learned from watching “Dogs in the City”. It turns out, those television dogs are faster learners than mine…or maybe there’s some editing involved. We fit in three long walks, and one nice afternoon nap.
A time for contemplating my future: I balanced my checkbook and went through my bills. I checked the “forum” for job possibilities. I made a few lists, and a few calls.
In addition to all this, the man came out to do my roof repair. He even fixed my screen door while he was here!
I fixed myself a simple meal and ate at the dining room table with a cloth napkin, a lit candle and a glass of wine.
It was a wonderful day, with not one moment of regret.
When my head hit the pillow, my heart started pounding.
What had I done???
I had placed my principles above my security.
That would be fine, if I were independently wealthy…or even had a reasonably-sized savings account…or if I had a husband to help support the house-hold…or had another job in the works…
Principles are fine, but they don’t pay the bills.
What followed was not pretty.
Six hours of tossing and turning, pacing the floor and self-recrimination. I wavered between extreme worry and all-out panic. I cried once. I fell asleep, finally, at five A.M.
Yesterday, I picked myself up after two hours rest and gave myself a good “talking-to”. I am a good worker. I have skills that are useful. I am not too old to be of service.
I started making – and taking – calls. By early afternoon, I had a job.
And my unending gratitude goes out to the universe.
Unemployment does not sit well with me for long.